Wedding Porn

When you're getting married and planning a wedding, looking at pictures of other people's wedding is like porn.
Maybe you're a little interested in whats new out there, want to try something else out? You're just gonna go on to peruse the web for a minute, right?

3 hours later. You're still looking at porn wedding websites. It feels wrong. It's not even enjoyable after a while because all you can think is i can't physically put my body in that position my wedding will never be that magical, or that position or that creative and original, that position would hurt me emotionally or oh my god I'm doing it all wrong!!!
You want to stop. You do, but there is so much to look at. There are so many ideas that you haven't discovered yet. And your check list. Nothings getting checked off. And you're not sure if delegated things are getting done. Oh yeah, and you're planning a wedding 2 states away. And oh my god you're almost at the 4 month mark. 4 FREAKIN' MONTHS. There is no way is hell you're ready. 4 months is practically next week and would you be ready if your wedding were next week?
Hell no.

And then you stumble across really disturbing pictures like these and these and start panicking. I mean, what if your cake falls prey to the same fate? And then you start to think "who fucking cares? it's a cake?" and then you answer yourself "I care! I care!" and then you realize you're talking to yourself.

Stop looking at wedding website. All it does is portray unrealistic images of women and puts unattainable fantasies in your head. It's not real. They're just actors. They're getting paid to take it up the butt wear wedding dresses and curl their bodies in really stupid looking poses.

The "you" in this situation is me.

Happy Birthday Breeny!

Dearest Breeny,
for this birthday post I searched far and wide for the perfect picture, but I came to a shocking conclusion that every picture of us contains some combonation of the following - us with our mouths wide open, borderline porn, way way way too drunk and incredibly nerdy. So instead of posting a classy picture, I'm posting my favorite picture.

Bonus! Find Joanna in the picture and you win a prize!

Spring Break Cruise Circa 2007 After spending all day in Mexico

In my humble opinion

I read in one of my psychology books in college that women are more likely to say "I think..." or "Personally..." or other predicative phrases before stating an opinion where as men are more likely to make the opinion as fact.

As in -
"Personally, I think that apples are my favorite fruit"
or
"In my opinion, I believe that chlamydia would be a very pretty name if it didn't have such a negative connotation"

Compared to -
"Apples are my favorite fruit"
and
"Chlamydia would be a very pretty name if it didn't have such a negative connotation"

The point that my book was trying to make was that, as a society, women are less sure of them selves, less confident in stating opinion as a fact. Saying "Apples are my favorite fruit" is a fact, as long as it's true to you. But adding these phrases to the beginning puts our stance on shaky ground. It instantly softens the validity of our point by saying "you might disagree with me, but thats ok...because I'm just saying...me...personally...oh, you know what...you're right. Blueberries are superior."


Which brings me to the internet. There is a particular phrase that really grinds my gears. I read it on message boards, blogs and facebook and it goes a little something like this-

IMHO.

as in

"IMHO I honestly believe that Jon and Kate should have to go to counseling where they're forced to hug and give each other kisses just like Kate makes her kids do when they fight. Lol. Just my thoughts! =)"

In my humble opinion. Is there anything worse? Could you knock yourself down any more?
First of all - We all know it's your freakin' opinion. What else would it be? A math equation?
Second of all - I can only assume you add those 4 awful letters to soften your blow a little bit because you're afraid that the rest of the internets is gonna tear you apart.

"Dumb Biatch! Jon and Kate shouldn't go 2 counseling! They should b shot, execution style! lolz! And their kids should be divided up amongst the zoo's and fed to lions! Ur so dumb! I bet ur stupid! pwnd!"

Right...because reading that would just...oh...suck? I guess? Put you into a crippling depression tail spin? Hurt your feelings? No. It won't. Because it's just the freakin' internet and they can't hurt you and you don't take it to seriously because even with out being told...you know it's just their opinion.

Take a stand. Drop the clauses and asterisks we put before our thoughts. If you mean it enough to say it, then say it without hesitation.

The Coolest Michael Jackson Tribute Ever

From www.holdthewhippedcream.tumblr.com

"I wonder if decaying MJ will look anything like Thriller MJ."
-Brittany


I guess it depends if they buried him in white socks and a red leather jump suit.

Sarah's take on hand holding.

I find that a lot of cynical people are offended by hand holding between couples as if it is one of the most disgusting and reprehensible forms of PDA known to man.

Earlier this summer, a friend and I were laying out at the pool at her apartment complex. We were the only people at the pool until this college-age couple showed up, got in the pool as close to us as could be and while the guy sat on the ledge (facing us) his girlfriend sat on his lap (also facing us) and began grinding. For as long as we were at the pool. Now that is offensive public displays of affection.

I love holding Jeff's hand. I grab it in ever instance that I can. And here's the kicker...it has nothing to do with anyone but Jeff and myself. I like being close to him, I like feeling his skin on mine, I genuinely love being around my soon to be husband. I mean, can you believe it? It's not a declaration to others around me that he belongs to me, or that I'm accounted for, or that we're so happy and you're so not. It has as much to do with you as the shirt I put on before I leave the house.

Holding hands is an extremely intimate interchange between two people. Parents hold their children's hands, lovers grasp, friends hold hands. But the human touch is personal, delicate. Like staring into someones eyes - you might want to turn away because it is too personal. To be touched is intense, to be touched and held onto - not knowing when you'll be let go - that requires you to let that person in.

But it's not vulgar, it doesn't make me less interesting and it still has nothing to do with you.

The mothership wants them home...

Has anyone considered that Farrah Fawcet, MJ, Ed McMahn and Billy Mays are all aliens? And their home planet called for their return? I'm no doctor but I'd say its likely.


*Not Farrah. She's no alien. And didn't die suddenly of heart failure. It doesn't fit the alien M.O.